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My Mom Shelly 1954-2013

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TIW #115 Under The Skin

 

Today I watched Under the Skin directed by  and starring  .

To suggest movies, tv shows, comedy specials etc. for me to watch…
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TIW #114 The Raid 2

 

Today I watched The Raid 2 directed by  and starring , and . It’s a must see if you liked The Raid: Redemption! I’m glad I saw it in the theater and can’t wait to own it on blu-ray. Watch/listen to find out more of my thoughts on this great action film!

To suggest movies, tv shows, comedy specials etc. for me to watch…
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Post on the Facebook Page: http://facebook.com/todayiwatchedpodcast
Electronic Mail me: tiw@jkire.com

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TIW #113 Noah

 

Today I watched Noah directed by  and starring , and . Okay that’s a completely different set of actors than I say in the actual episode. I’m sticking with IMDB as my only source from now on. Anyway, I liked it! So watch/listen to find out why!

To suggest movies, tv shows, comedy specials etc. for me to watch…
Tweet me: http://twitter.com/jkire
Post on the Facebook Page: http://facebook.com/todayiwatchedpodcast
Electronic Mail me: tiw@jkire.com

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Heist

(from DUOS by Erik J Skinner ©2009)
Ski masks?
“Check.”
Rope?
“Check.”
Glass cutter?
“Check.”
Walkie talkies?
“Check.”
Custard pie?
“What?”
Custard pie. I put it on the list.
“No you didn’t”
Yes I did, right after orange juice.
“What orange juice?”
Shoot… I added it to the wrong list…
“What do we need custard pie for? We’re robbing a bank.”
It’s my calling card, Darrel. I can’t pull off a heist without leaving my trademark custard pie booby trap in the vault.
“I didn’t know you did that.”
I do. Then they read the note that says, ‘Looks like you got pie on your face.’ Jesus Darrel, do you even read the itineraries I put together?
“Not really. I usually just sit in the van, so…”
If you’re ever going to advance in this business beyond being the ‘sit-in-the-van’ guy, you have to start being more involved in these heists.
“I kind of like being the ‘sit-in-the-van’ guy.”
I am astonished. Astonished and offended. Where’s your passion? I remember the look in your eyes that first time I came back through those un­marked van doors carrying armfuls of money bags. It was like a child seeing fireworks for the first time. Where has the magic gone, Darrel? Where has it gone?
“I just like sitting in the van.”
Fine, let all your potential just slip away. I’m going in there, but I’m not going to enjoy it. You’ve broken my heart Darrel.
“What about the pie?”
Oh damn, that’s right, the pie. Is there a grocery store around here?
“Couple blocks back. I think they’re closed though.”
Nonsense, grocery stores are open 24 hours these days!
“Fine, we’ll go take a look.”
That’s it, get back into it! We’re making it happen! Look at us go! Exciting, eh?
“It’s closed.”
Shoot. Guess we should just call it a night then. Let’s go home.
“You think Mom will have hot chocolate ready for us?”
Oh that would be bliss, just bliss… damn it, hot chocolate was on the wrong list too.

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Sign Salesman

(originally posted October 25, 2010)

Sign Salesmen: Hello, what can I do for you?
Customer: I’d like to buy a sign.
SS: Of course! Which one would you like?
C: Over there, the one that says “not for sale”
SS: Oh…
C: What’s wrong?
SS: I’m terribly sorry, but that sign isn’t for sale.
C: What do you mean, this is a sign store!
SS: Yes, but as you can see it is clearly marked, “not for sale”
C: But that’s what the sign says. You’re selling a sign that says “not for sale.”
SS: Except not, because that sign is not for sale.
C: How is it… Fine, can I buy that “for sale” sign and that “not” sign next to it.
SS: Of course! May I ask what you’ll be using them for?
C: I have a boat in my driveway people keep asking about buying, so I’m going to put “not for sale” on it so they’ll stop bothering me.
SS: Completely understandable. You know, I could save you some time and attach the signs together for you, no extra charge.
C: Now you’re talking.
SS: It’ll take just a few minutes.
C: Great. (five minutes pass)
SS: Alright, the signs have been combined.
C: Fantastic! How much do I owe?
SS: It’ll be… Er…
C: What now?
SS: I can’t sell you this sign.
C: Why the hell not?
SS: It says right here, “not for sale”

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