Tag Archives: duos

Heist

(from DUOS by Erik J Skinner ©2009)
Ski masks?
“Check.”
Rope?
“Check.”
Glass cutter?
“Check.”
Walkie talkies?
“Check.”
Custard pie?
“What?”
Custard pie. I put it on the list.
“No you didn’t”
Yes I did, right after orange juice.
“What orange juice?”
Shoot… I added it to the wrong list…
“What do we need custard pie for? We’re robbing a bank.”
It’s my calling card, Darrel. I can’t pull off a heist without leaving my trademark custard pie booby trap in the vault.
“I didn’t know you did that.”
I do. Then they read the note that says, ‘Looks like you got pie on your face.’ Jesus Darrel, do you even read the itineraries I put together?
“Not really. I usually just sit in the van, so…”
If you’re ever going to advance in this business beyond being the ‘sit-in-the-van’ guy, you have to start being more involved in these heists.
“I kind of like being the ‘sit-in-the-van’ guy.”
I am astonished. Astonished and offended. Where’s your passion? I remember the look in your eyes that first time I came back through those un­marked van doors carrying armfuls of money bags. It was like a child seeing fireworks for the first time. Where has the magic gone, Darrel? Where has it gone?
“I just like sitting in the van.”
Fine, let all your potential just slip away. I’m going in there, but I’m not going to enjoy it. You’ve broken my heart Darrel.
“What about the pie?”
Oh damn, that’s right, the pie. Is there a grocery store around here?
“Couple blocks back. I think they’re closed though.”
Nonsense, grocery stores are open 24 hours these days!
“Fine, we’ll go take a look.”
That’s it, get back into it! We’re making it happen! Look at us go! Exciting, eh?
“It’s closed.”
Shoot. Guess we should just call it a night then. Let’s go home.
“You think Mom will have hot chocolate ready for us?”
Oh that would be bliss, just bliss… damn it, hot chocolate was on the wrong list too.

Duos Trilogy – Light Bulb

The following is an excerpt from my book Duos Trilogy and originally appeared in the book Duos. You can purchase a copy in paperback and for kindle here. Copyright 2008.

light bulb

Cause of death?”

Ha ha. Very funny. I’m not dead.

Kay, let’s just pull up your file… here it is. Oh, that’s brutal, eh?”

What?

Looks like you fell off the toilet.”

That’s ridiculous. How could someone even die from that?

You were standing on the can to change a light bulb, lost your balance and… Here we are.”

That’s the best you could come up with? If that’s how I died, prove it.

What are you talkin’ aboot, you’re standin’ at Heaven’s gates, eh? What more proof do you need?”

I’ve never been dead before. How do I know this is what it’s like?

Good point. Gimme a coupla minutes, I’ll see what I can do.”

The guys really went all out. How’d they get these clouds in here… Must be one Hell of a fog machine.

Well, it’s unprecedented, but He approved it.”

Sure, whatever.

You really don’t believe me, do you?”

Not for a second. Let’s see the proof.

Alright. Um… this might hurt.”

What might OOWWW!

I tried to warn you, eh?”

Wow, I’m in my house. Impressive. Really.

No need to get snarky. Go to the bathroom.”

No thanks, I’m good.

Not to whizz, ya goof. To see that you’re dead.”

I don’t know what you think I’ll see… Is that supposed to be me?

Dead as a doornail.”

Nope, that’s gotta be one of those rubber love dolls or something.

Not enough for you, eh? Brace yourself.”

For what OOWWW!

Paramedics came when your neighbor found you. It was too late.”

Hey, don’t fall for it! You’ve got a dummy in that body bag!

They can’t hear you.”

STOP. HALT. CEASE.

They can’t see you either. Stop waving your arms around like that. It’s embarrassing, eh?”

You really got some devoted actors for this.

They’re not actors. They can’t see you because you’re dead, eh? How many times do I hafta tell you?”

This is just one big joke!

I guess there’s only one way left to convince you.”

No, just end this stupid prank and let OOWWW!

I take it you’ve been here before.”

This is the church I went to as a kid… There’s my family…

Let’s go inside, eh?”

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