Category Archives: Writing

Sign Salesman

(originally posted October 25, 2010)

Sign Salesmen: Hello, what can I do for you?
Customer: I’d like to buy a sign.
SS: Of course! Which one would you like?
C: Over there, the one that says “not for sale”
SS: Oh…
C: What’s wrong?
SS: I’m terribly sorry, but that sign isn’t for sale.
C: What do you mean, this is a sign store!
SS: Yes, but as you can see it is clearly marked, “not for sale”
C: But that’s what the sign says. You’re selling a sign that says “not for sale.”
SS: Except not, because that sign is not for sale.
C: How is it… Fine, can I buy that “for sale” sign and that “not” sign next to it.
SS: Of course! May I ask what you’ll be using them for?
C: I have a boat in my driveway people keep asking about buying, so I’m going to put “not for sale” on it so they’ll stop bothering me.
SS: Completely understandable. You know, I could save you some time and attach the signs together for you, no extra charge.
C: Now you’re talking.
SS: It’ll take just a few minutes.
C: Great. (five minutes pass)
SS: Alright, the signs have been combined.
C: Fantastic! How much do I owe?
SS: It’ll be… Er…
C: What now?
SS: I can’t sell you this sign.
C: Why the hell not?
SS: It says right here, “not for sale”

Please Shred

(originally posted Jan. 14 2011)

Boss: What is this stack of papers still doing here?
Employee: What do you mean?
Boss: This stack of papers. There was a note on them that said ‘Please Shred’
Employee: Oh right, I did.
Boss: But the stack of papers is still here.
Employee: Right…
Boss: Intact.
Employee: Yes.
Boss: The note said ‘Please Shred’!
Employee: I did.
Boss: Clearly you didn’t.
Employee: Of course I did, do you see that note anywhere?
Boss: No, just the stack of papers.
Employee: Exactly. I shredded the note as it asked.
Boss: Shred the stack of papers!
Employee: That’s not what the note said!